Melbourne essentials

You know you’re in Melbourne when

you’re obliged to take out your umbrella (the one you didn’t bring from rainy Belgium wishfully thinking you wouldn’t be needing it in sunny Australia. Bad Belgian!) and your sunglasses (the ones that puffed their last breath of life in Dubai. Bad Arab sun!) in only one hour. Now, as a Belgian, I know it’s not ethically correct to complain about the weather, but the weather gods have really gone crazy in this corner of the world! The gods are artists and Australia their muse, its wide landscapes the canvas for their most creative artistic expressions. In a single stroke of their weather-paintbrush they terrorize the heart of this immense country with the longest dry spells, they bless the top of Australia with a tropical climate and in Melbourne, well, you can’t quite figure out what their artistic vision is. They call this “the city of four seasons in one day”. One of those gods must be schizophrenic. Is this the home of the indecisive gods? Is this heaven for the creative and ever-evolving souls? Is this lawless territory where all is well and all is good? I still have some time to figure it all out. For now I’ll just make sure to buy an umbrella, to get myself a new pair of spectacles and to have my weather attributes at hand at all times. One thing’s certain: Melbourne is one of those places where a lady doesn’t get blamed for carrying her entire household in an oversized purse. So, all of you fashion victims out there, time to come flaunt those it-bags in Melbourne! Make sure it’s four-seasons-in-one-day-approved!

You know you’re in Melbourne when

you can’t cross a road in the CBD (Central Business District) without facing the fear of never making it to the other side of it. If you are one of those curious minds that wants to discover what a near-death-experience consists of: try traffic in the heart of Melbourne! It’s truly living on the edge! I’m sure even Sid Vicious would have agreed. As the traffic light turns green a nerve-racking sound ushers you to make your way to the other side of the city landscape in the polite, yet persistent manner Anglo-Saxons employ so well. The pushing, fast and repetitive beat of the traffic light sound seems to have triggered the neuromuscular system of another group of human specimen on the other side of the street as well. As you feel your own feet are starting to move towards your urban goal, you see your natural opponents, hundreds of them in all shapes and colours, intending on doing the exact same thing. Giving you the evil eye from the other side of the street those human robots mean business! With every footstep, your heart pounds faster, fear rises and a shiver is sent down your spine shaking your whole body. The same thing is happening to one of the hundreds of unknown faces approaching you. The small, thirty-something Caucasian man right in front of you is overcome with fear just as much as you are. The twitch in the corner of his left eye gave him away. You feel relieved as you realize you’re not the only wuss trapped in the CBD’s rat race. Everyone one desperately tries to hide it, but there’s no way around it: fear. Fear is all around you, grabbing you by the throat, taking over. Hundreds of people in motion. Hundreds of human robots crossing the street pushed by a man-made sound, guided by a man-made law to avoid chaos. Hundreds of feet making their way to the other side of the street, wearing out the new concrete. Their footmarks marking the city streets forever. Quickly. Walk. Try not to hit anyone, try not to get ran over, try not get swallowed in the sea of men coming towards you. Try not to finish up eaten by this city-whale. Try not to end up forlorn in its belly like poor little Pinocchio. Concentrate. Focus. Eyes on the prize! Ooph, you did it! You made it to the other side of the street and the pushing beat of the traffic lights hasn’t even stopped yet! You’re safely where you should be. On the wrong side of the road… Ah, the joys of arriving in a new city without a street map!

You know you’re in Melbourne when

Friday night’s finally around, the Saturday hangover is still hours away and then, as you were starting to get your groove on, all pre-disco-excitement is violently smothered by hundreds of Assies glued to their television sets watching an AFL-game. For about two hours all social activities that don’t include fit men running behind a ball and less fit men yelling at the guys running behind the ball as if they, in their drunken and obese state, would do it better, will be put on hold in Melbourne. “Footy” is all people talk about here. If you’re a layman on this topic you might as well start organising your social funeral, dig your grave and go lie in it. Australian football is born in Victoria. It’s the region’s pride and glory. Footy is what makes a self-respecting Victorian man wake up in the morning. It’s the last thought he clings on to before falling asleep. (I’m sorry ladies, no matter what you do, no matter how deep the waters of your true love flow, you will never win when you’re competing with his favourite football idol. Two hours of patience and you’ll be the apple of his eye again. That is if his team won..) If you don’t know what footy is, no worries, you will probably never know. People just play pretend to understand. That justifies their competitive behavior and socially accepted outbursts of aggression and competitiveness. As a European woman with a keen interest in this new culture I am exploring, I would describe Australian football as an intelligent mix between soccer and rugby. Add some American football traits to the mix and you’ll finally end up with the wonderful footy-blend. This game is fast, it’s manly, it’s social, it’s exciting. But then again, I’ve never been the most reliable source on sports’ intelligence. I’ll finish this paragraph with the wise footy guidelines a kind Aussie gave me: you can kick the ball, hit the ball, smack the ball just like you can kick your opponent, hit your opponent, smack your opponent as long as it all remains fair. Ah, that delightful Australian mateship!

You know you’re in Melbourne when

you feel like a social misfit if you’re not on a continuous caffeine-high. You feel like a day has not been fruitful if there was not at least one conversation about coffee. Like Italians like to discuss their… well, like Italians like to discuss whatever, Australians like to brag about their black water. And rightfully so! There’s no way around the prominent and cosy Melbourne coffee culture. Every self-respecting street has its local coffee shop. No good Aussie day starts without a java. Coffee in Melbourne is like beer in Belgium. Product of hard work, savoir-faire, authenticity, pride. And just like beer, a good dose of coffee will help you do stupid things faster. Worlds apart my homeland and this new country of mine, but united in soul and ambition. I’m sure I’ll fit right in!

You know you’re in Melbourne when

you never run out of inspiration. Writer’s block?! I don’t think so! (I’m sorry for those unsatisfied readers…) It’s hard not to get inspired in this city: cool street art, buskers on every corner, a never ending line up of cultural events, beautiful museums filling the city, Melbourne-based design brands popping up like pimples on a teenager’s face… And like that teenager’s skin Melbourne is full of activity! Human creativity is all around and the only right thing to do is walk up to it, take it all in and get inspired! Buskers are true artists here in Melbourne. Street music is of great quality. Street art adds to the open minded spirit of this city. True creativity only grows in a tolerant and free environment and I have the feeling that is what you find here! Young people are actually given a chance. Judgements belong to the cynics and those dissatisfied souls don’t really belong in this city’s streets.

You know you’re in Melbourne when

veggie, vegan, raw is all you can eat! I’ve never been to or lived in a place where sustainability is such a hot topic! I’m truly happy to see how this world is moving in such a positive direction! Yes, our climate is drastically changing. Yes, global warming is a huge problem. But there are those who complain and there are those who actually try to make a change! Melbourne definitely houses these idealists! People are becoming more aware, alternatives are constantly being created and many creative and fun(!!) solutions are already out there. The green movement is often looked upon as alternative, disconnected even, but that judgement couldn’t be any further from the truth! In Melbourne people seem to warmly embrace a more sustainable lifestyle. Green is a big thing in food around here, but you also find great samples of ecological mindfulness in the many vintage and second hand stores for example. Not all of us are fortunate enough to enjoy a careless shopping spree, but everyone deserves to pamper themselves every once in awhile. In Melbourne that idealism has become reality! Volunteers run second hand shops where clothes are “sold” to the needy. Cute boutiques to browse in, fit your favourite items and leave a content fashionista. No matter who you are. No matter the money in your pocket. A lot of great initiatives run on volunteers here. One of the best examples I’ve already come across and am very excited about is “Lentil as anything”. An all veggie restaurant that works on donations only. Their admirable philosophy: “Everyone should be entitled to enjoy a delicious meal. Those who are able to pay for the yummy in their tummy give what they see fit. Those who don’t have a nickel to spend, can enjoy a nice meal without judgements, without worries”. A beautiful example of how we can all help each other and have some fun while doing so! All that’s asked of you is that you place your royal buttocks on a chair around the dinner table, conquer the what-should-I-eat-dilemma, have a chat with the beautiful stranger next to you, eat, drink, digest. While you’re eating and talking the day away, you’re helping. Now does that look like a hard thing to do at all?! Lentil As Anything

You know you’re in Melbourne when

you have the feeling you’ve finally discovered what a true melting pot looks like. To me, the undoubtable beauty of this city lies in its multicultural essence, in its mixture of people, in its pure blend of ethnicities. The successful mixing and matching of cultures and times is visible in Melbourne’s colourful people just like it’s beautifully shown in the city’s architecture. Skyscrapers next to cute, little Victorian houses. Vietnamese restaurants next to trendy hipster bars. Everything is different between one another, but it never lacks authenticity! The mix of styles and cultures in their most genuine form finally creates the unique character of this city, geographically on the corner of the world, but mindful in the centre of it. In an attempt to describe the unique Melbourne vibe my American friend said she thinks the city is more European looking. Me, born and raised in Europe, I would say it shows strong American traits. The truth lies somewhere in-between or nowhere near it at all. When visiting a new place we always try to compare it to what we know and have seen before while we should open our hearts to its novelty and uniqueness. I can assure you, it’s not hard to open your heart to a beautiful city like Melbourne! She immediately takes over your pumping body motor, gets under your skin and somehow, I already know, she’s never going to let me go!